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It is possible to get a compulsive liar to change

by Avinash

It is possible to get a compulsive liar to change, but she's going to have to be confronted over and over with the truth of her lying ways, and it's going to be a long, systematic, and strategic process.

I've been systematically exposing my girlfriend's lying ways over the last few months. I learned to do my research up front when something looked/seemed suspicious. After my suspicions were confirmed, I'd ask her about what she said, giving her an opportunity to come clean. Once she didn't, I'd present the indisputable evidence.

At that point she would simply be silent. That was the only admission of guilt I would get, but I accepted it. The point was that she knew that I knew. So after I developed a pattern of confronting her with evidence, it became harder for her to automatically offer a lie as an explanation because there was a risk that I had done/would do more research to confirm the truth. So at least at that point she would second guess her decision to just make something up. At this point the habit gets disrupted, maybe not broken, but at least disrupted.

From there I began to weave into conversations that she has a demonstrated history of not telling the truth, just to reinforce that I don't automatically buy everything she says now. No matter how hard she tries to argue against that, I stick to my guns and restate that the past history of lies speaks for itself. I've also made it clear that we are the process of rebuilding trust as a natural consequence of her deception.

I still do my research, but now when she lies about things I don't have to present the evidence in order for her to admit the truth. When I call her on a lie, she may try to deny it at first or shade things a little or offer a perfectly understandable explanation. But I just tell her I know that's not the exact truth. She has started now to abandon her need to convince me of the truth with her words. In fact she understands her words are ineffective with me, and for good reason. So a little bit more of the habit has been shaken up.

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