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Best Friends Forever, to the Very End

My best friend, Helen, died a little less than a year ago after battling an unfortunate debilitating disease called ALS. It broke my heart to lose her, and I still mourn the loss of her to this very day.

She was the very best of my best friends. A genuine woman, any friend could ever ask for. She was the loving mother I never had, the supportive sister I'd always wanted, and my fun and reliable partner in crime, game and glory.

There is such a void in both my heart and my life now that I find virtually impossible to fill, even though, in truth, I do have many other best friends and family members in my life. I suppose at the root of it all, there is simply no replacement for the very best of my best friends - Helen my friend.

When Helen was alive, her warm and cozy little house was always open to me, and I found myself at her place almost as often as I was at home with my husband, Tom.

Helen, a somewhat older, lonely and childless divorcee when I met her (she never remarried), cared for me on all kinds of levels as if I was her own. She cooked for me several times a week, giving me her leftovers to take back home to save me the effort of narrowly missing the ducky opportunity of blowing up my kitchen more than once a week.

• Helen helped me get ready for several big firsts

Whenever she went to an art show, store or exhibition without me, she would inevitably pick up something randomly cool and neat for me as a surprise gift. How so sweet...

She helped me get ready for several big firsts: my first post-college job, my first (and hopefully only) husband, my first car, my first house, my first garden and my first child.

She also helped me cope with several of the most painful firsts: my first departure from my hometown, my first job loss, my first non-elective invasive surgery and most traumatically of all, my first miscarriage. These are private things I shelve away, things that only Helen, and maybe Tom - my husband, knows about.

• Traumas, good days, mediocre times, Helen has always been for there for me.

She has given me ever so much more tangibly and spiritual blessings than I could ever confess really giving back to her, which makes my missing her so keenly now a very selfish thing, I suppose. My heart ache and heart breaks for her at times, thinking of all of the little things I could have done in return for her, or should have done for my dear friend, but didn't.

All I could do in the end was so sadly little. I remember holding her ashen little hand in mine and semi-absentmindedly massaging her legs and her feet which could no longer feel my touch...

It was pure agony that in my heart of hearts I wanted to escape more than anything! I had to mentally force myself to stay because it almost seemed like crucifying my soul to have to be there and see her in such an abnormal condition. But am I ever glad a million, billion times over now that I did stay, that I did at least that much for my poor friend, Helen.

• My God, how I miss you, my dear friend!

I'm a terrible person without you, I know it to be true. I don't know how heaven works, if it does, but I sincerely hope you're doing alright up there in a heaven now. Tom says hello, and wishes you his best. We miss your cooking and your company, Helen. Words don't suffice to tell you how much life is simply not the same without you, but still, we remain best friends forever!

I must be honest, I'm not doing my best to move on like I should because I need you so badly, but I will try harder from today forward. I'm normally fiercely protective of sharing you, but writing about you has helped, and I know, you being how you are, won't ever mind. Take care, I love you, always.

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Best Friends Forever

When I was a kid, around the age of twelve years old, my mom began to feel that I was old enough to walk home from school. The fact that her new job did not allow her to leave work early enough as she used to, did not help matter either. Unknown to her, that was a huge milestone for me.

This now meant that I could finally walk home with my best friends. I was in the seventh grade and my best friend at that time was an older girl named Lacy. We were quite opposites, with her curvy build and green eyes, and me being flat chested and with eyes as dark as chocolate.

She was fourteen and two grades ahead of me, but I guess we became about to be best friends because our families went to the same church and she lived two blocks away from me. I remember it was one day, not too soon after we started walking home together, when we ran into Billy.

Billy was a homeless guy, someone whom my mom occasionally stopped and gave change to. That's how I came about to know his name. He was always wearing dirty clothes, but seemed friendly enough, though I was still terrified of him most of the time.

On this particular day, Lacy and I stopped at someone's front porch so as to tie my shoes. I hated those laces; they always came undone for some reason.

When I had retied the shoes, we continued on our journey, that is when I spotted Billy approaching us. He was dressed in dirty clothes as usual, but this time he was stumbling around as though he forgot how to walk upright.

After seeing my amazed expression, Lacy explained to me that he was probably drunk. Me and my big mouth screamed out "Hey, Billy are you drunk?" not knowing that you should never say that to a drunk person, especially one that you barely knew very well. Billy picked up a handful of gravel and hurled them in our direction. I saw him pull out a knife from his pocket and at that moment I was so frightened that I didn't know what to do. Lacy started to run off, but I was frozen in my spot.

Seconds later, I felt her tugging at my clothes and saying "Let's go, come on hurry!” Lacy saved me that day. We ran all the way back to school and told the security guard there what had happened. He then called her mom to get us from school. It turns out that Billy had escaped from a mental hospital and suffered some kind of mental illness. After my mom reported it, they picked him up though. A friend in need is a friend in deed! Who knows what would have happened if Lacy hadn't come back for me? We are still best friends to this day and I will never forget what she did.

Cassandra Evans